Every sports based site has super bowl predictions before the season starts. Somebody takes a wild stab at one of the eight teams who made the playoffs last year, and their reasoning why they think they can win this year. Well, lets turn it around and pick the team who will absolutely stink up the joint in ‘07. The team that nobody wants to see on TV. The team that John Madden completely ignores when he starts talking about turkey basters and Brett Favre during the 2nd quarter.

There is a direct correlation between shitty football teams and dangerous cities, which is all the more reason for Darth Goodell to administer a public-bare-assed-flogging to the owner of the team with the worst record… on national TV. It’s really in the best interest of national security.

The Usual Suspects (aka teams that usually suck):

The Detroit Lions (3-13 in 2006): Oh boy… how you can suck so hard for so long is completely beyond me. The Lions are so advanced in their loser ways, they threw away the #1 pick in the draft by winning their last game, just to ensure they maximized on their quest for the worst possible senario in life. Ranks #2 in the most dangerous cities in the United States.

The Oakland Raiders (2-14 in 2006): The hometown team of Sportaphile, we love the raiders, but we can’t ignore the fact that they’ve been in the dumps for the last 10 years or so. Yeah, they had two superbowl caliber years, but quickly reverted to their old ways. The Raiders are so shitty, Jamarcus Russell has spent the last four months thinking up excuses not to sign with them. Ranks #8 in the most dangerous cities in the United States.

The Washington Redskins (5-11 in 2006): Who knows why Washington sucks, they have talent on both sides of the ball, they have an owner who will throw around money for anything they need, they have a hall of fame coach. Oh yeah thats right, they don’t have a quarterback, and Clinton Portis is the Grant Hill of football. The Redskins will not make the playoffs, and Joe Gibbs will be gone after this season. Ranks #19 in the most dangerous cities in the United States.

The Cleveland Browns (4-12 in 2006): Another team that shares an ancient curse with the Detroit Lions. Looking at their starting lineup is hilarious.. check it.

Quarterback : Charlie Frye (lmao)
Running Back: Jamal Lewis (not the good-coke-deal-making-lewis)
Wide Receivers: Braylon Edwards and JOE JERIVICIUS (he’s been like, a career 2nd string possession receiver)

I actually want to see the Browns do good, mostly because Winslow and Lewis are on my Fantasy Team, but it’s not looking good. Ranks #7 in the most dangerous cities in the United States

There are exceptions to the rule however:

The Arizona Cardinals (5-11 in 2006): So, their city isn’t so dangerous, but boy do they suck year in and year out. With the talent they have on the team, theres really no logical reason for them to be as bad as they are except for the fact they wear cardinal uniforms. And since Denny Green is gone watching them lose wont be as fun as it was last year.

The Houston Texans (6-10 in 2006): LMAO @ people thinking Matt Schaub is Houston’s savior. Can someone please tell me what this guy has done aside from winning a few games when Michael Vick was injured? I don’t even know how good Peyton Manning would be behind an offensive line that awful. Houston may not be in the top 25 dangerous cities in the country, but the Texans cornerback Dunta Robinson was tied up and robbed at gunpoint last week. I bet they were from Houston!

Dark Horse
Miami Dolphins- Trent Green was not the answer.

And The Winner Is…..

The Detroit Lions – You dont mess with tradition baby, they are the New England Patriots of losing. When you have a great offense, with a defense that gives up tons of yardage, the answer to your problem is not to draft another wide receiver. ( I know they couldn’t pass up Calvin, but he can’t help them on the other side of the ball).

Therefore, Sportaphile will be rooting against detroit all year.

Also look for Detroit to move into the number one slot, as the most dangerous cess pool of pissed off football fans in America.