Martina Hingis revealed Thursday that she tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon, and is officially retiring from play. I seriously doubt she really wants to retire, but theres no other way for her to lay low and hide from the media asking questions about her fondness for nose candy.

“I find this accusation so horrendous, so monstrous that I’ve decided to confront it head on by talking to the press,” she said. “I am frustrated and angry. I believe that I am absolutely 100 percent innocent.”

“I have no desire to spend the next several years of my life reduced to fighting against the doping officials,” she said. “The fact is that it is more and more difficult for me, physically, to keep playing at the top of the game.

Translation: “I want to snort my coke in peace, screw your drug tests!”

Hingis took the “B sample” test to see if she had given a false positive, but her second test for cocaine came back dirty as well. This story brings me so much glee, because I’ve never liked Martina Hingis. Her remarks about the Williams’ sisters using ‘racism’ as a crutch for losing matches a few years ago never sat well with me.

We dedicate 2007’s official cocaine anthem to Martina as a going away present. “White Girl” by Young Jeezy & U.S.D.A.