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I love how athletes come up with new innovative ways of breaking the law. Jermaine Cunningham of the Florida Gators is being charged with misdemeanor assault after he hit a restaurant worker with a sandwich and cups.

I can sympathize with him, everytime I go to Subway and say “NO MAYONNAISE” they look me dead in the eye and put it on anyways. How cool would it be to pound someone upside the head with a cold cut? Jermaine Cunningham is a hero. He actually assaulted the worker because they asked him to pay for a bag of chips, but I forgive him due to the style points of the crime.

Unfortunately this is 50 points for the football squad in the Criminal Fantasy League.

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Minnesota Vikings defensive end Ray Edwards will be sitting at home on the couch for the next four games due to violating the NFL’s steroid abuse policy. It looks like the steroids didn’t help much, because Edwards lost his starting job last week to Erasmus James.

Steroids count as 100 points in the CFL for the football squad.

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And finally, Darrell Hackney, the third string quarterback for the Denver Broncos was arrested for a DUI this week. Way to ruin your shot at the NFL buddy. The Arena Football League awaits you.

50 points in the CFL

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Updated Standings

1. Football - 1870 Points (16 arrests, 2 positive tests)
2. Baseball - 500 points (5 performance enhancers)
3. Other Sports - 350 Points (1 steroid allegation, 1 positive test, 1 arrest)
4. Basketball - 300 Points (4 arrests, 2 allegations)
5. Wrestling/Boxing/MMA - 200 Points (1 Positive Steroid Test, 1 arrest)
6. Golf
7. Soccer
8. Tennis
9. Auto Sports
10. NHL Hockey