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Jimmy Kimmel’s Tribute Video To Emmitt Smith’s Eloquency

January 31st, 2008 . by admin

Theres no way to sugarcoat this, Emmitt Smith is one of the worst (if not THE worst) TV sports analysts I’ve ever seen in my life. He stumbles, stutters, and stammers over every other sentence, and sometimes makes up words that don’t even exist. Awful Announcing usually keeps pretty good tabs on his funny screwups, but during an episode of Jimmy Kimmel’s show last night they put together this gem.

This is great stuff, my favorite screwup is when he talks about Eli Manning’s “Rice of Passage”

Check out this one, where Emmitt mentioned “L Cool JJ”

The unintended consequences of NFL games in Canada

January 31st, 2008 . by Stankoniforous One

Canada

The NFL has agreed to hold an annual game in T dot O, aka Toronto.  It’s great for the game, but bad for other reasons.  Let’s examine. 

Canadia has that stick icky, better than available in the US of A.  Ricky Williams willingly signed to play football up there.  Coincidence? Stank-0 thinks not.  It’s like having an All Star game in Vegas every year.  Strike 1.

His Highness and Emperor Goodell, the reason why London ain’t cause headaches is because of jet lag.  It put a damper on players actin wil’.  London is close but not that close.  Players can drive to T dot O leaving plenty of time for mischief.  Strike 2. 

A large Asian population in T dot O means there is a good chance there are massage parlors up there.  There could be a “happy ending” problem.  The last thing the NFL wants is a video with a player, a masseuse and the words “Love you long time.”  Strike 3.   

Major League Baseball Getting Gully On Their Umpires With Pervasive Background Checks

January 31st, 2008 . by admin

The NBA suffered a huge black eye in terms of credibility and public relations when their referee Tim Donaghy was outed for betting on games and being affiliated with the mafia. Major League Baseball suffered a black eye of their own with the whole steroid scandal, so they figured they’d be proactive for once and conduct thorough background checks on the umpires. The problem is they may have gotten a little TOO thorough.

MLB sent investigators to the neighborhoods of their umps, who then went door to door asking neighbors questions such as:

Do you know if umpire `X’ is a member of the Ku Klux Klan? Does he grow marijuana plants? Does he beat his wife? Have you seen the police at his home? Does he throw wild parties?”

You simply cannot make this stuff up…… BUT that won’t stop me from trying. I’ve comprised my own line of questioning to find out if your umpire may be in the KKK:

MLB Umpire Investigation

Larry Fitzgerald (and his new baby mama) Are About To Get P-A-I-D

January 31st, 2008 . by admin

If you’re a casual sports fan, you may not be aware that NFL players take home a MUCH smaller paycheck than Baseball and NBA guys. In the NBA you’ll have marginal players like Adonal Foyle or Stephon Marbury taking home tens of millions of dollars for basically doing nothing. In Baseball you have guys like Barry Zito with $120 million dollar contracts when they’re playing “decent” ball.
Angela Nazario
Things like this simply do NOT happen in the NFL, huge contracts for football players are the exception, not the rule. I remember looking over a list of the 50 highest paid athletes a few months ago, and there were no more than 5 NFL players included. Keep in mind the NFL is unquestionably the hugest sport in this country, and rakes in zillions in revenue. Yet their players don’t typically bring much of that money home.

I know that intro was long, but I was checking out a post over at ProFootball Talk today and saw Larry Fitzgerald is set to make over $30 million dollars over the next two seasons. This is unquestionably due to a HUGE error or sheer stupidity from the front office of the Arizona Cardinals. The organization is now stuck between a rock and a hard place.

1. They can bite the bullet, honor the contract, and (overpay) Larry what it says in the contract.
2. They can try and trade Larry to another team, but that team would now have to honor the huge contract.
3. They can release Larry, take a massive cap hit, and receive nothing in return. Larry would then sign with another team for huge money.
4. They can somehow convince Larry it’s in his best interest to sign a contract extension and take less money (why would he?)

So who’s the real winner in this? No… not Larry, he still has to get out there and play football. The winner is former Oakland Raiders cheerleader Angela Nazario, his MILFish baby mama, who happens to have a paternity suit against him right now. Can you imagine the sheer joy coursing through her veins at this very moment?

I hear that she’s in real estate right now, but why even bother continuing her career?…. Work Schmurk baby!. Those child support checks are about to be fatter than Andy Reid.

The curse of the even year strikes the Spurs again

January 30th, 2008 . by Stankoniforous One

Manu

What is it about years ending in 0, 2, 4, 6, or 8 that seems to do in the Spurs?  We hear over and over how this is a dynasty (which Stank-0 disagrees with), how they are such a well-coached team (which Stank-0 agrees with), and how they have such a good organization (which Stank-0 agree with). 

 The Spurs have started their annual rodeo road trip in a bad way, with losses to the Jazz and now the Sonics, owners of a 14 game losing streak.  The home game before the road trip was a blitzkrieg courtesy of the Western Conference leading Hornets.  Yeah, go ahead and read that last part again…

Where does this leave the Spurs?  Vulnerable for starters.  If a team can get them in the regular season, that team is that much less worried come playoff time.  Playoff atmosphere wins in the regular season do wonders for confidence.  With the losses starting to uncharacteristically mount, the Spurs potential playoff seed will be affected.  The West is no cakewalk either.  No team wants to have to go through Dallas and Phoenix to get to the ‘ship.  The younger teams are also starting to make their presence felt, ie Blazers, Hornets, and Warriors.  So now from top to bottom, the West is getting that much tougher.  Duncan isn’t gettin any younger, and he is the catalyst for the entire team.

To those who say the Spurs are coasting, Stank-o vehemently disagrees.  There hasn’t been a point when they flipped the switch just to show everyone they still have the ability to blow a teams doors off. 

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