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So, Marion Jones’ rogue tooth power had NO effect on the judge, and was sentenced to prison this morning for lying to federal investigators.

When Marion Jones starts serving her 6 month jail sentence n March, the first week of incarceration will be crucial. The friends or enemies she makes during that time will determine how smoothly her visit will go. Lets have a look at the potential characters she will come into contact with.

Big Shirley
Hometown: New Orleans, Lousiana
Height: 5′7
Weight: 287lbs
Prison Weapon Of Choice: Hot chicken grease
Advantages: Can hook you up with extra jello and chocolate milks.
Disadvantages: Getting on her bad side could seriously jeopardize your meals
Notes: Big Shirley is doing 10 years after finding her husband in bed with the mail lady. She beat them to the point of unconsciousness with the giant wooden spoon she had hanging on the wall. Shirley is highly respected behind the walls, she works in the kitchen and won’t hesitate to use utensils or hot grease as a weapon.


Tina
Hometown:Las Vegas, Nevada
Height: 5′4
Weight: 103lbs
Prison Weapon Of Choice: Hot Curling Iron
Advantages: Can get you drugs
Disadvantages: Will steal your shit and sell it.
Notes: Tina is a classic drug abuser, she’s in jail for trying to transport drugs across state lines. She can be a strong ally due to the fact that she will do whatever you want in exchange for a fix.

Tracy
Hometown:San Francisco, California
Height: 5′10
Weight: 184lbs
Prison Weapon Of Choice: Rape
Idol: Queen Latifah
Advantages: Can protect you from everyone
Disadvantages: That protection comes at a price, you walk around the cellblock with your hand in Tracy’s back pocket.
Notes: Tracy is in jail for stabbing a guy who stole her girlfriend. Doesn’t want to leave jail because she enjoys converting fresh meat.

Julianna
Hometown:Phoenix, Arizona
Height: 5′5
Weight: 135lbs
Prison Weapon Of Choice: Sex
Advantages: Can make your wildest dreams come true
Disadvantages: She has HIV
Notes: Her easygoing personality and good lucks will lure Marion in, then her vagina cooties will send her running.