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Never Back Down Movie Review

February 29th, 2008 . by admin

Never Back Down MMA Movie PosterSo I had the opportunity to view an advanced screening of Never Back Down tonight, two weeks before it hits theaters nationwide. Those of you who read my Never Back Down preview know that I didn’t have very high hopes for this flick. Here are the general assumptions I made about this movie one month ago:

It looks like they took the script from “The Fast And The Furious”, removed all references to cars, and plugged in references to fighting. A bunch of privileged white kids who are bored of spending daddy’s money start pretending they’re Tito Ortiz to impress their girlfriends.

The sad part is I was absolutely right.

This movie is downright horrible, it’s “what you see is what you get” at it’s finest. There are no special twists, there is no character depth, there is no suspense, this film has absolutely no redeeming qualities. I know what you’re thinking… “well the action from the fight scenes should keep me entertained, and I’m SURE there will be hot chicks”. Keep dreaming buddy, the action is mediocre, and there are actually more half naked sweaty men than there are women.

The entire film can be summed up in two or three sentences at the most. Guy moves to new town, guy likes girl, girl’s boyfriend beats up guy, guy spends rest of film training to beat up boyfriend and get girl. The end.

Something else that simultaneously made me laugh and shake my head at the same time, was the first visual of a black person in the movie is a shot of some brotha breakdancing surrounded by rich white kids cheering him on. How cliche can you get?

Man On PhoneI can just see the director sitting at the monitor with a puzzled look on his face. “Something’s missing, the first five minutes of this film just don’t seem right….I GOT IT… where’s the dancing colored guy??. Get me Jamal on the phone

Hardcore MMA fans will detest this movie even more than I do. The fight scenes are like UFC on training wheels, I love how they call out each move as the characters are performing them. “Hey, thats a rear naked choke!!!!…. wow he has him in an arm bar… TAP OUT BRO!!!”

I advise you to never see this film. Banish it from the earth. We should collect all film reels and bury them in obscurity alongside Flavor Flav’s dignity and Paris Hilton’s nobel peace prize.

The Important Stuff

How good on a scale of 1-10? – 3
Are the best parts of the movie in the commercial? – there are no best parts to this movie
Any female nudity? – Nope.
Any killing/gruesome murders? Nope

Elite XC Coming To Primetime Network Television And Kimbo Slice Is Invited For Dinner

February 28th, 2008 . by admin

Kimbo slice scares white peopleThe CBS owned Elite XC mixed martial arts promotion will be broadcast on network TV later this spring, in a move that arguably bolsters the entire sport.

The sometimes ultra violent MMA has moved into the forefront of American culture, and we will now have the pleasure of seeing people knocked unconscious every Saturday night for free. If the ratings turn out to be good, people you’ve never heard of such as K.J. Noons, Charles Bennett and Kimbo Slice will become household names.

This also has the potential to allow Kimbo Slice to replace Mike Tyson as the scariest black man in America. White kids in Wyoming are going to have nightmares for weeks after witnessing Mr. Slice rip someone apart.

I’m not one of the people who enjoy having “Boxing vs. MMA” debates, because I see no reason for them to have to compete for my time. However, moves like this are why MMA continues to rise in popularity while boxing is stagnant. There’s no way in hell we’d get to see Oscar De La Hoya or Floyd Mayweather fight in prime time for free, theres no way for the average person to connect when they have no outlet of watching the fights. So from an exposure standpoint, this is fantastic for mixed martial arts as a whole.

It’s an election year there’s nothing else for Congress to do except interfere with sports

February 27th, 2008 . by Stankoniforous One

DOJTo kick off this Congressional session, the Rocket is getting the Bonds treatment. The Attorney General, Michael Mukasey, will ultimately get involved. Rog, your first problem is questioning the validity of the Mitchell Report. Rog, in case you forgot that’s former Senate majority leader George Mitchell, one of their own. Did your legal representation come up with that brilliant ploy? There is one thing in your favor, but it’s a long shot. The Justice Department may choose not to investigate.

The next thing on the Congressional docket, is the possibility of a performance enhancing drug law. Now Stank-0 didn’t know that Congress had this kinda juice.

Facing a House subcommittee that also held hearings on steroids in 2005, commissioners sat side-by-side with their sport’s union chief: Bud Selig was inches away from Donald Fehr; the NBA’s David Stern was next to Billy Hunter. Then there was the NFL’s Roger Goodell and Gene Upshaw, and the NHL’s Gary Bettman (who?)and Paul Kelly (who?), who rounded out the day’s first set of witnesses.

Now Dave, testy exchanges with the people who could change your life with a penstroke is not smart. Being lawyer-ish in a hearing is a good way to put your best foot forward.

As a fan this is just a bit much. There’s subprime, the economy, the cost of gasoline, interest rates, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Russia, Venezuela, but Congress chooses to “fix” sports? If Congress wants to fix sports, let’s start with the BCS. After that, then maybe we move on to something else.

However the best was when Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla., reminded everyone: “I am already on the record calling for the resignation of commissioner Selig.” ETHERED!

cross posted

Scrooge McDuck: The Originator Of ‘Makin It Rain’

February 27th, 2008 . by admin

Scrooge McDuck Makin It RainProfessional athletes flaunt their wealth so much these days, that nobody even bats an eyelash when Floyd Mayweather throws a stack of $100 bills into the air. We’ve heard about Pacman Jones making it rain in strip clubs, we’ve heard about Darius Miles and Dennis Dixon changing the forecast, but none of these men pay homage to the true pioneer of ballin.

Everything your favorite professional athlete and rappers are doing now, has already been done by Mr. Scrooge McDuck in the 1980s. Ya boy scrooge has been throwing money in the air since they had small faces. When you think back to the Duck Tales cartoon, this dude could put Shaq to shame on MTV Cribs

“You put your money in a BANK Mr. O’neal?.. .ahahahaa”…. Scrooge had a tower of gold coins chillin in the back yard. He went SWIMMING in his money, I know it has to hurt to land face first in a tank of coins, but the satisfaction of being that rich heals your wounds real quick.

Scrooge was also better at good ole mean spirited fun. Wheres the pleasure in gently showering less fortunate souls with your hard earned dollar bills? Scrooge could just pelt a bitch right in the middle of her forehead with a hunk of gold. Thats next level pimpin right there.

We salute you Scrooge…. we salute you…

ESPN Waves Goodbye To Sean Salisbury; Welcomes Cris Carter

February 27th, 2008 . by admin

In a move thats drawn a bittersweet reaction from me, ESPN has decided not to renew the contract of Sean Salisbury. While I was not the biggest Salisbury fan, there are other on air personalities that I would much rather see hit the road (Trey Wingo, Tom Jackson). There are two shreds of silver lining in this, the first is that Sean got in the ultimate zinger on his “on air rival” John Clayton a few weeks ago with his “Tales From The Crypt” diss. Take a look at it below

Sean released this statement on his way out of the door regarding ESPN:

“I want to thank ESPN for 12 great years of talking football on TV and the radio. I have grown as much as I can at ESPN and decided to expand my horizons. I have created a brand and it’s time to expand into other opportunities in TV, radio, Internet, publishing, movies and public speaking, among others. My resume speaks for itself as a football analyst, and I believe I can talk all sports with the best of them.”

The second shred of silver lining is the arrival of Cris Carter at ESPN. I think Cris is an excellent analyst and gets his point across without being a douche (Keyshawn Johnson). Cris was the only member of the Inside The NFL crew who didn’t have a job since their HBO show got canceled, so it’s great to see him land a new gig.
Update: it looks like ESPN didn’t renew Sean’s contract because he asked for more money than they were willing to pay.

“I’d grown tired of being punished for not being an NFL superstar. Analysts who don’t work as hard as me, don’t prepare as hard as me, and don’t have my resume were making more than me just because of their ability to throw or catch a football.

“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the opportunity ESPN gave me, but they had capped my ceiling. There was only so far I could go there.

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