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I’ve had my fair share of stalkers (okay okay, just one), so I can relate to Michael Jordan’s new lawsuit against Lisa A. Miceli. I believe instead of taking her to court (or Maury), he should have broken down his feelings in a way she understands. Theres no song on earth that explains to a woman that she is a sideline ho better than “What these b-tches want” by Sir DMX.

Let’s analyze the lyrics by the esteemed scholar from Yonkers, Mr. X

I f-ck with these h0es from a distance
The instant they start to catch feelings
I start to stealin they sh-t
then I’m out just like a thief in the night
I sink my teeth in to bite
You thinkin life, I’m thinkin more like - whassup tonight?
Come on ma, you know I got a wife
and even though that p-ssy tight I’m not gon’ jeapordize my life

Michael was trying to get Lisa to kick rocks so Juanita wouldn’t run off with half of his fortune, but his resistance was futile. In the second verse of the song, Mr. X lists off the names of his various conquests, which further details the insignificance of just one woman.

(if you’re at work, it would probably be best if you didn’t watch the video.. or at least put some headphones on)

On a completely unrelated note, doesn’t Jordan’s ex wife Juanita look like Burt from Sesame Street?