If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed to receive instant updates.

United States athletes will eat food specially flown in from our country during this years Beijing Summer Olympics due to fears that Chinese grown grub will cause us to test positive for banned substances.

“When a caterer working for the United States Olympic Committee went to a supermarket in China last year, he encountered a piece of chicken — half of a breast — that measured 14 inches. “Enough to feed a family of eight,” said Frank Puleo, a caterer from Staten Island who has traveled to China to handle food-related issues.

“We had it tested and it was so full of steroids that we never could have given it to athletes. They all would have tested positive.”

Now we know how Yao Ming got so damned big, there had to be some tomfoolery going on somewhere.

Standards for some Chinese grown foods have lower standards than those in the United States, thus potentially putting athletes at risk if they consume it. I know there have been rumors that chickens in the United States have been given steroids to grow bigger and faster. That would explain phenomenons such as Serena Williams’ booty, Peyton Manning’s forehead, and Shannon Sharpe’s mouth.

If any of my aunts and uncles see this, we just might be having our next family reunion in Beijing. The Great Wall? Hong Kong? Nope, you lure black folks in with oversized chickens. (word to Arthur Blank)