The Sportaphile All-Ebonics ‘08 Team (With Trading Cards)
February 14th, 2008 . by DellWith the NFL Pro Bowl just passing, and the NBA All-Star game coming up this weekend, I thought it would be appropriate to appoint a non conventional team of overachievers.
We see them in post game interviews, we see them on ESPN giving interviews, and we see them on the news…. completely slaying the english language with such skill and grace. These six men should be commended for their endless commitment to creating new words that would leave E-40 speechless. In other words, they could start writing on this blog and blend in seamlessly.
The first award goes to Magic Johnson. Magic is considered one of the pioneers of sporting ebonics, his slanguage has kept us amused in interviews for the last twenty years. You can catch Magic “tawkin bout dem baskitbawls” on TNT.
The second award goes to Dikembe Mutombo. Yes, technically Dikembe doesn’t speak Ebonics because he’s from Zaire, and has a legitimate reason for mangling our language unlike the other award winners. But come on, he’s been in America for at least 15 years and I’ve yet to understand ONE sentence thats come out of his mouth.
The third award goes to Frank Gore. Frank is probably the least known recipient on this list, but since I live in the S.F. Bay Area I’ve had the pleasure of hearing Frank rumble, bumble and stumble through interviews for a good two years now. Not only does he have the thick southern drawl complete with bad grammar, but Frankie also has a speech impediment. So you get a triple combo of unintelligible words, it’s quite fascinating.
The fourth recipient of this award is Roy Jones Jr. Roy’s main problem is that he speaks so fast, that by the time you’ve figured out the last word he just said, he’s already two sentences ahead of you.
The fifth award goes to Ron Artest. I feel like I’ve been picking on Ron, since I chose him as the poster child for the Criminal Fantasy League, as well as pairing him with DMX in the Kindred Spirit list. Ron Artest is special in the sense that he very well may be a schizo. I’ve never seen someone travel so far off topic during an interview in my life. You can ask Ron how his last game was, and the next thing you know he’s talking about Skittles.
We saved the best for last, and OF COURSE we have to give it to Emmitt Smith. What can you say about this guy? Emmitt puts the E in Ebonics. He even has the distinction of being the first person I’ve ever seen use correct english, and then take it back to replace it with the incorrect word…..on air. That’s absolutely amazing.
*Update*
I can’t believe I snubbed one of the up and coming greats of slanguage. Marshawn Lynch of the Buffalo Bills is a future Emmitt Smith, not just on the field, but in the booth. It was possibly pre-ordained for Marshawn to make this list, because the word “Ebonics” was coined in Oakland, California, which happens to be Marshawn’s (and my) hometown. Marshawn writes a blog over on Yardbarker and it will either be the most confusing, or most hilarious thing you will ever read. Take a look:
u kno 07 was a tough yr to swallow………..we didnt make it 2 the playoffs, but its coo tho cause it give me more reasons to work harder this off season…u feel me tho……i feel i did alright this season but i wanna do even better to help my team get to the playoffs……. but good lookin for supportin the bills all yr we appreciate the support
Keep in mind, just one year ago Marshawn was enrolled in one of the most prestigious colleges in America…
Stank Stank would like to swap Louis Armstong-sounding Dikembe for Shannon Sharpe.
You’re on Yardbarker and you don’t include Marshawn Lynch? He’d be a first ballot Hall Of Famer, if such a HOF existed, which, if it did, I assume would be located where MLK Blvd and Crenshaw intersect, in either Compton, CA or Camden, NJ.
You know what, I completely forgot about Marshawn… I have to make another card and add him on as a bonus before the day is over.
MKL and Crenshaw dont cross in Compton. Just thought I’d add that in. lol
you forgot to add Vince Young..whewww boy. lol unless he’s gotten better since I last heard him.
oh and Ben Wallace
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Well, let’s talk about George W. He’s not a professional athlete but he’s an avid runner. And he is not black. What is my point? My point is that “Ebonics” can refer to non-blacks as well, unless you want to call it something else. I know about Magic Johnson but I need to listen to Emmitt Smith.
How is it possible that you left off Pacman Jones?? Have you SEEN his interview with Deon Sanders on NFL Network (from last year)????
I haven’t heard Pacman speak too much publically, so I didnt have enough material to draw from…
dude, get your hands on the NFL network video then. Pure unintentional comedy. Hilarious.
Im still waiting for the Pacman card. I just listened to Devin Hester sing take me out to the ball game at wrigley (www.chicagosports.com) and think he may need a place here too.
Yo Chuck this had me rooooolllllin! You gotta send your ish out bruh. This was hilarious. Dig the art as well.
How did I miss this? I almost fell outof the chair laughing. Magic Johnson is like ‘Bizarro’ on television compared to Dr. J and Chris Webber’s ‘Superman’. Back in the early to mid-90’s, when NBC hired him for the NBA telecasts, I used to throw stuff at the television because he didn’t know what to say or how to say it. He has an incredible business mind though. He always hires the right people to speak for him when it comes to making money.
Vincent
thimk.wordpress.com
[...] of passage” by letting Cris move in on his territory. It’s not like Carter has his own prestigious trading card or [...]
You missed Charles Barkley!!!
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