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Score another one for number 23.

The Illinois Supreme Court decided to swat down an appeal from a woman who claimed to be the mother of Michael Jordan’s child. The Indianapolis woman, Karla Knafel, originally took Mike to court in 2002 claiming he promised her $5 million dollars after he retired from basketball to hush up about their secret baby. There’s only one thing, Michael said the baby wasn’t his and DNA testing proved it.

Jordan also had a similar situation with a woman named Lisa Miceli, and DNA testing proved that MJ wasn’t the father in that case also. Jordan is either a strict supporter of safe sex, or he’s paying off the DNA doctors to lie for him. The creative section of my brain wants to say the only true way of determining these kids are Michaels are to see them play basketball. But unfortunately, MJ has a son in college and he sucks.

That has to be a blow to Michael’s ego.

You know how when a really good racehorse has a productive career, and the owners rake in MILLIONS by studding the animal out to impregnate other females? Michael Jordan is supposed to be doing that right now, his sperm could singlehandedly return the NBA to the glory days of the late 80s. The only problem is Jordan Jr. is giving the product a bad name, therefore Michael is forced to have sex with groupies for free.

Meanwhile, the common men like you and me are forced to overpay for Jordan’s shoe to make up for lost wages.