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Every once in a while, certain things happen that can only be explained by a higher power looking out for us. It seems like every week, we post a new story about a random athlete and a random chick claiming to have a illegitimate child. In the last 30 days two important developments in the world of promiscuous athletes have surfaced.
The first is a new cheap DNA testing kit that hit stores on Wednesday. The testing kit requires a saliva sample, and then will be shipped to a facility by the baby mama/groupie/whore in question. The kit is now available in every state in the USA except New York. This is a strong weapon for women all over the country, who knows how much money they can scare out of athletes now.
The second is Lil Jon & Shawty Putt’s new song “Dat Baby”. The song samples The Maury Povich Show, who is known for featuring paternity tests . Why even subject yourself to a silly DNA test when all you have to do is look at the kids face. “Dat baby don’t even look like me” ….. The lyrics to this song are pure poetry.
“I ain’t buyin no Huggies,
don’t dress him like me,
that ain’t my lil buddy”
“I can’t lie, we were doin our thang
but thats a nappy head baby, better try T-Pain
Naw, man I can’t claim him
I’m light skinned, that baby black like Akon nem”
We all know, after a certain level of blackness, it becomes apparent that Akon is the only person who could have fathered the child. Well… him or Wesley Snipes, and that’s it.
I know the economy is bad, but I never thought I’d see the day where the NFL has trouble with their money. Football is so popular in America, I always assumed that they were basically printing money in Roger Goodell’s office. It turns out things aren’t quite working out that way.
1. Their deal with HBO ended, therefore a huge stream of revenue has dried up. NFL video simply costs too much for anyone to purchase.
2. The “slo-mo” style of NFL films is being abandoned by major media outlets in favor of fast paced clips.
When you factor in the fact that many people are turning to the internet for sports content, NFL films may be extinct in a few years. But theres more, the NFL is losing millions of dollars from the NFL Network, which is currently in a sissy fight with comcast and time warner cable.
I know one thing, they better straighten this BS out soon. I can’t have my football in jeopardy. If they spent half as much time working on a new business model than they have creating new ways to prolong Pacman Jones’ suspension, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation.
Update 3/31: If you’re looking for video of Floyd and Big Show’s Wrestlemania match, CLICK HERE.
I love how they’re all sitting there talking about this fight like it’s not predetermined. Of course theres a very legitimate chance that Floyd can be accidentally injured, but it’s going to be avoided at all costs if possible. At one point of the interview Floyd insists that his fight with The Big Show is real and won’t be scripted at all.
Part 1 - (RSS subscribers may have to jump over to view these)
On April 8th, CBS will air the premiere episode of ‘Secret Talents of the Stars’, where celebs like Roy Jones Jr., Ric Flair, and boxing great Joe Frazier show us their hidden stuff. The performances will be critiqued by three judges ‘American Idol’ style, and then voted on by the viewers to decide who the winner is.
Osi Umenyiora of the New York Giants won’t be participating on this particular show, but Sportaphile has uncovered a secret talent of his. Osi’s parents are from the great country of Nigeria, and passed down the ancient art of 419 ‘fundraising’ down to their famous son. Although Osi doesn’t need to scam old white ladies for their life savings, his talent does come in handy negotiating with the New York Giants.
Osi recently decided instead of holding out for a new contract, he could simply craft a letter to the Giants front office. Surely these businessmen would not turn down such a lucrative offer?
Received: from 196.207.15.10 (proxying for 196.207.3.10)
Subject: Greetings!!!
From: “Osi Umenyiora”
Reply-To: osiumenyiora@yahoo.co.uk
APPEALLING FOR BURNT VICTIMS IN KENYA
Dear Brethren in christ,
I am brother Osi Umenyiora of your GIANTS located in NEW YORK CITY. I’m
writing this letter to you all with tear and pain all over my
eyes, because it is barely three months now i return from a crusade in
Kenya, in Africa, I was invisited to that part of the world for the first
time and to be a guest preacher in a church crusade.
It was a great miracle crusade and many gave their life’s to christ
to the glory of God, indeed it was a miraculous crusade, many healings
from various kinds of diseases and sickness, I must say God love our
brethen in Africa.
I have gotten a horrible disease in my travels to Kenya and will require
a small payment of TEN MILLION DOLLAR U.S. in order to get well and
return to your GIANTS of NEW YORK CITY. My sickness is acting quickly
and I eagarly await your help. I cannot in good faith return to training
camp until i am cured. Please note that an account has be open in london to received this
donation. OR you can sent your donation to the assitant pastor of the
church in Kenya through Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram.
MY KINDS REGARDS.
SIR OSI UMENYIORA
Art of God Ministry
37 Park Sq North,
LS1 2NY.
KENYA.
TELL:+44 704 571 4997
Email: osiumenyiora@yahoo.co.uk
Chris Webber has decided enough is enough. Bad knees have finally made him do what most expected after the Pistons decided not to have him back. This was his second go round with Golden State, currently in 8th place in the West. For those that forgot about his first time.
Webber’s first stint with the team ended after one season with a feud with [Don] Nelson, a public trade demand and finally a deal to Washington. emphasis added
It seems so long ago when Webber and Jason Williams were running insane, ubercreative, did-he-just-do-that? fast breaks in Sac-Town. It was painful to watch his already low vert jumpers turn into 17 feet free throws following microfracture surgery. Then to watch him toil away in Philly, second billing behind Bubba Chuck, on a team headed nowhere. The final indignity was him getting scrub minutes with the Pistons.
Webber’s next move is TV, which may be a good move, he should be a mid-level commentator.
Every once in a while, certain things happen that can only be explained by a higher power looking out for us. It seems like every week, we post a new story about a random athlete and a random chick claiming to have a illegitimate child. In the last 30 days two important developments in the world of promiscuous athletes have surfaced. 
“I ain’t buyin no Huggies,
I know the economy is bad, but I never thought I’d see the day where the NFL has trouble with their money. Football is so popular in America, I always assumed that they were basically printing money in Roger Goodell’s office. It turns out things aren’t quite working out that way. 
On April 8th, CBS will air the premiere episode of ‘Secret Talents of the Stars’, where celebs like Roy Jones Jr., Ric Flair, and boxing great Joe Frazier 