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Ron Artest and Mike Tyson made the news in the same day? Things like that don’t happen as a result of pure coincidence. There’s got to be a third athlete in serious need of therapy who’s going to pop up on the news any moment now.

Hardwood Paroxysm brings the story of Ron Artest’s personal assistant, who revealed something not so shocking about his employer.

Crazy Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest has a paid personal assistant who “fields late-night requests for organic cookies” and is developing Artest’s line of athletic wear. The assistant was also (seriously) recently asked to “remove what Mr. Artest thought were giant snake eggs in his backyard.” (They turned out to be mushrooms.)

Then of course… there’s Mike Tyson who is offering to provide counseling for troubled soccer player Paul Gascoigne.

Tyson is holding a series of speaking engagements in the North in May, including a date in Gateshead.

The 41-year-old said: “I know all about Gazza and I feel I can help him. A lot of top sportsmen have suffered in their private lives, including me, and that is why I want to help.

“I still see him as a superstar and would like to meet him if he feels up for it.”

Hold up…. Mike Tyson is doing public speaking now???? How do I get tickets for this? Mike Tyson has never uttered an uninteresting sentence in his entire life.

Only in America can a man with a speech impediment and a penchant for breaking into foul mouthed fits of rage make a career out of public speaking. You GOTTA love it.