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During an interview with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and Deion Sanders a few weeks back, Deion mentioned that Snoop Dogg said hip hop needs an authority figure like Mr. Goodell to oversee things.

While I typically disagree with Roger, I do respect his ability to frighten young black men more than anyone on earth not wearing a badge. So I present to you, a list of things that would happen under Roger’s reign in rap music.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

DMX would be banned - So lets get this straight….. he hasn’t released a good album OR a good movie since Aaliyah passed away, he doesn’t know who Barack Obama is, and he’s been arrested five times this year alone??? Roger wouldn’t stand for such foolishness.. BANNED.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

You wouldn’t be allowed to diss legends unless you have more than 2 hit albums - Am I the only hip hop fan who gets sick of headlines like “Jim Jones disses Jay-Z”, or “Yung Berg hates 2pac” or something else equally foolish? Who decided it was okay to give these clowns attention? Hip hop culture doesn’t respect it’s elders and Roger simply wouldn’t go for it.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

“Video Vixens” can’t release any more tell-all books - It was okay at first, but how many more books are we going to have to endure in this genre? Okay, you gave Lil Wayne head at Summer Jam, now do you have anything else noteworthy to say?… I didn’t think so. Uncle Roger don’t love dem hoez.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

Rappers wanting to appear on Fox News have to complete pre-screening beforehand - Fox News is a biased right wing rap hating war machine, and they JUST LOVE having rappers on to discuss their contribution to the moral decay of America. The problem is they usually pick the most ignorant M’fers in the world to speak for a nation of rappers. Who remembers that fiasco with Cam’Ron and Bill O’Reilly? Sure… it was funny as hell, but he also set hip hop culture back 15 years in the span of 4 minutes.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

Dr. Dre would have to stop waiting so long to release albums -
One of Roger’s strongest qualities is his refusal to let anyone threaten revenues of the establishment. Dr. Dre selfishly sits on albums for years and years and releases them at his leisure. We’ve been waiting on Detox for eight years, Rakim’s album never saw the light of day, Raekwon and Joel Ortiz had to leave the label. Goodell would pressure Dre into finally getting this music out to the people….

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

R. Kelly would be suspended until further notice - Remember when Pacman Jones kept getting into trouble, and instead of suspending him for a fixed amount of time, it was just “indefinitely”. That was Roger’s way of saying “go sit your ass down somewhere until you can act like you got some sense boy”. R. Kelly is on a forced vacation until he gets help for his ‘problem’ and learns how to give a proper interview without looking guilty.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

No more “Lils” and no more “Youngs”….
You’re an artist who (presumably) makes millions of dollars crafting profound street poetry detailing the ills of the inner city, yet you can’t come up with a name more creative than “Lil Keke” or “Young Jeezy”? I don’t buy it, and I doubt Roger would….

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

Women who kiss Flavor Flav on TV would be subject to a psychological evaluation -
Does this one even need an explanation?

Did I miss anything? Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.