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What Would Have Happened If Terrell Owens Bitched Out A White Woman On National TV?

June 24th, 2009 . by admin

By now I’m sure everyone has seen the ‘Superstars’ TV show (that really didn’t contain any superstars) where some model named Joanna Krupa goes ballistic and insults Terrell Owens for making their team lose. Everyone’s having a pretty good laugh at this because there are few things more entertaining than the misfortunes of Mr. Owens…. I get that.

Terrell may be arrogant, but he’s not stupid. He knows if he would have done what most sane people would have done and said “bitch…. who do you think you’re talking to?” followed by an equal dose of what she gave him… it would be World War III in the media. America is a very forgiving country, but I’m not sure a hulking black man can destroy a white girl on TV and escape with his life just yet.

Terrell was raised in the south by his grandmother (who I can only assume was a young woman during the civil rights movement) and I’m sure she told him the story of Emmitt Till every night over dinner like it was Dr. Suess. She had the huge wooden spoon and fork on the walls and everything, that kind of ambiance makes it stick with you forever.

Allen Iverson’s “Press Hop” Video Is Higly Addictive

June 23rd, 2009 . by admin

Things like this are why YouTube is the greatest website ever. I don’t know who this Steve Porter guy is, but he got skills… I remember watching his Rap Chop remix a month or so ago.

Kenyon Martin May Have Unwittingly Birthed A Nation Of Retards

June 21st, 2009 . by admin

Disclaimer: The title of this post is not intended to make light of people suffering from mental disabilities…. just rich people with questionable judgment. :)

Have a look at Soulja Boy’s new neck tattoo, courtesy of Julia Beverly’s twitter.

soulja-boy-lips-tattoo

Evander Holyfield Would Rather Give His Church Money Than Pay His Bills

June 18th, 2009 . by admin

ESPN re-aired a piece originally shown in April on athletes and the super-televangelists who exploit them on Outside The Lines today …. and I really have no words for what I witnessed.

If you’ve been paying attention to the news over the last couple years, surely you have noticed the various stories about Evander Holyfield having 374 kids and how he owes tons of child support money to pay for them all. You also may have heard about his massive home that was foreclosed on, which contributes to the fact that he’s STILL boxing well past his prime and is risking long-term brain damage (see: Muhammad Ali) because there are bills to pay.

What I *DIDN’T* know is that he’s donated over $20 million dollars to the church over the last 15 years or so. In the video below you’ll see Evander explain his tithing and proudly declare that if he had to choose between paying a house note, and donating to the church…..the house would have to wait:

I realize he’s a religious man and he says the bible requires 10% of his earnings…. but there are various monumental mistakes in judgment going on here. First of all, if you want to give that much cash…. fine… but scale back your living arrangements accordingly. There’s no need to buy a mansion with 100 rooms in it if you plan on giving the church so much of your extra money. Secondly, when you listen to Evander talk, it seems like he’s giving so much money because he thinks god is going to give it back to him for being so generous as opposed to giving it and expecting nothing in return. There’s a little bit of flawed logic there in my opinion.

5 Athletes I Want To See On “Celebrity Wipeout”

June 17th, 2009 . by admin

celebrity-wipeout
One of my favorite shows to come around recently is ABC’s Wipeout. I know It’s not exactly fine theater, but theres something about a 39 year old soccer mom getting bashed in the face by a motorized boxing glove that warms my heart. Through the wonders of Twitter, I learned that Shaquille O’Neal also loves Wipeout and wants to go on the show. (He’s mentioned this on more than one occasion.)

You know what the problem is?

Real celebrities think they’re too cool for all this, so when ABC decides to do a Celebrity Wipeout we’re gonna have to watch Gilbert Godfried, and some douchebags named Heidi and Spencer on the show. Here’s my wishlist of athletes I’d like to see join Shaq if this actually takes place:

peyton-manning-small1. Peyton Manning – The Ultimate Nerd You think this is a fun show where people just run as fast as they can and hope to make it to the end in time right? Well Peyton doesn’t think so, he’ll spend countless hours studying footage looking for patterns in the machinery, ideal launch points for jumping, and will have an exact replica of the set in his backyard.

floyd-mayweather-small2. Floyd Mayweather – Big Mouthed Bastard Everyone Wants To Lose There is no athlete on earth people love to hate more than Floyd (yes, people even hate him more than Terrell Owens). America will hang on the edges of their seats waiting for the moment where his face smashes into the wall…. and if history is any indication… it won’t happen.

butterbean3. Butterbean – The Fat Guy While he may be a questionable “celebrity”, he’s fat and thats good enough. Accidents are almost always funnier when theres a fat guy involved. Can you imagine this dude jumping on the big red balls? (Pause)… or on the second stage where the contestants have to jump the plank…. oh man.

serena-small4. Serena Williams – Affirmative Action/Token Female Athlete Since there will probably be a slot or two reserved for female athletes, I hope the one with the biggest breasts and booty gets chosen. Serena probably won’t want to get her weave all wet though, so I wish the producers luck on this one….

david-ortiz-small5. David Ortiz – The Lumbering Oaf Even though Shaq is 7 feet tall and 320lbs, he can move pretty well for his size. The producers need to recruit a second tall guy who makes the country wonder how he’s getting paid as a professional athlete. Plus, I always laugh when he tries to speak english.

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