Sorry bud, I refuse to take you serious as an expert if you speak to me wearing a blanket/jacket hybrid. I realize black people don’t do well in the cold but…. C’mon son.

It’s equally ridiculous that they’re calling the “Papajohns.com Bowl”, I wonder if my friends and I could scrape up enough pennies to sponsor a bowl game? They’ll obviously give them to anyone who is willing to pay for it.

Boooooooooo… I wanted Wayne to stumble onto the set with a styrophone cup in his hand while quoting Shakespear. Skip kisses Wayne’s ass for a while, and even helps him out when he stumbles (the part about the Titans).

“Like many parents around here, Brent’s parents are obsessed with their children’s participation in sports. Brent was already on soccer, baseball and football teams. When we socialized, they often speculated about which sports he’d choose to play in high school, and whether he’d qualify for a college sports scholarship. And I’d been hearing a lot lately about the growing trend of “redshirting” little boys, keeping them out of school an extra year so that they would be more mature, smarter, more physically developed and, hopefully, better at sports in high school.”

I’m not exactly sure what to think about this, but it sure is interesting. Here’s an NY Times article on the subject as well

The only problem is now a freshman and an untested junior are all that’s left in the QB cupboard. They also are in the most physical, quickest, and toughest conference in college football, the SEC. This doesn’t help their national title chances, but no one expected a 2 loss team to reach the championship game last year, either.

GEAUX TIGAHS!

Les Miles got PAID!  Three million plus a year for 5 years!  When you win a national title against overmatched competition, it’s only fair to re-up your paper. 

This contract also has incentives, depending on team performance on the field and in the classroom.  Translation:  win more ‘ships and you get more cake!  Or graduate all those criminal justice majors and you get more fetti!  Stank-0 is fairly certain if Miles fails to win a title but has a high graduation rate, he won’t get a new deal.  Just call it a hunch. 

Can we start callin Les, Money Miles?  Just wonderin.   There are some professional athletes that don’t clock that much a season.  

cross posted

Word on the street is that Ryan is goin high in this draft.  Comparisons are drawn to JaMarcus “I want 30 Mil up front” Russell.  Ryan will go high because there are some train wrecks teams in need of a signal caller, but aren’t there always?

Stank-0 can’t give an honest opinion on Ryan because he hasn’t seen enough of this kid.  No huge regular season games with national-title-implications to scrutinize.  No overly promoted BCS bowl game to salivate over.  Unless Stank-0 was a BC homer, there wasn’t much chance to see Ryan in action, however the 411 is that son has problems with accuracy and decision-making.   

 Russell has physical tools that Ryan can’t even bribe someone for.  Ryan clearly has the off-the-field aspect on point.  At the Combine in a suit!?  Mr. Cool in his interviews?!  NFL personnel directors could see that either way.  He’s calm under pressure or he’s a f*#$ing robot. 

Even with all these questions, Stank-0 feels sorry for any player drafted by the Fins, Rams, or Falcons.  May God have mercy on your bodies and psyches.  Amen

cross posted here. 

Stank-0 tends to hate the NFL Combine for this kinda nonsense.  Glenn Dorsey, of LSU, will most likely drop more than a few places due to this.  This is exactly how Purple Jesus fell to Minnesota, because of some injury fears. 

Let’s be quite honest.  Dorsey is the best defensive tackle, and possibly the best defensive player in the draft.  Now Dorsey played through this for an entire SEC season with no apparent problem!  Now its a problem?! 

Go ahead and pass on him, and trust Stank-0, every single team that skips him will regret it. 

cross posted here

Colt Brennan, fresh from from his UGa induced ICU trip vacay, decided to let his mouth pop off regarding Hawaii. 

The questions regarding Brennan have not gone away.  Ya think?!

Mr. Pass Pass Pass got dealt with by SEC game speed.  Handily, which we all knew would happen save for Hawaii and their fans. 

 The real shocker is what Brennan said about Hawaii.  Son, they gave you a chance after you got dismissed from Colorado and made you a draft pick.  Some advice?  If the facilities aren’t up to snuff, once you get drafted in the later rounds donate some money to the athletic program. 

Stankoniforous One

1. Randy Moss’ Beard
Forget about going to court over your alleged battery of a woman. If you don’t shave that nappy ass beard I’m going to sue you myself. When your neck looks like Roy Jones’ chest… there is a problem.

2. Dana Stubblefield
The former San Francisco 49er plead guilty to lying to federal investigators today, in connection to the BALCO fiasco. I’ve always thought Stubblefield was an overrated player, who benefited from playing next to Bryant Young. This charge will gain him 100 points in the Criminal Fantasy League.

The feds really have it out for rich black people in the last 12 months, off the dome I can name a bunch who have charged with federal crimes.

- Michael Vick
- Marion Jones
- T.I.
- DJ Drama
- Barry Bonds

I’m almost positive I’m missing a few…

3. The Cincinnati Bengals
Stop pissing off your BEST PLAYER!!! It looks like Chad’s been campaigning to be traded, even though coach Marvin Lewis said it’s not happening. Chad took this photo of him holding up a Washington Redskins jersey with his name written on the back. Hmmmm. (thanks to BlackSportsOnline for the pic)

4. Hershel Walker
The former NFL running back is releasing a book this summer that reveals he suffers from multiple personality disorder…. We don’t believe you Hersh, you need more people. How is it your closest friends never knew about this or even suspected anything was wrong?

“I’m probably one of his closest friends and that’s news to me,” said Frank Ros, who was captain of Georgia’s 1980 national championship team. “I knew he was working on a book but I just thought it was about football. He does 100 things at once and always has projects going on, but that blows me away.”

5. Terrell Owens
LOL. I’m a big fan but still…

6. Golfweek and LSU Fans
You can’t put a noose on your cover and expect everyone to be okay with that…. and speaking of race… check out the LSU fans in this video. This is exactly why I’m glad I live in California.

And just because I don’t want to end this post on a racist note. Here’s my favorite American Idol clip of the week. I’ve seen it at least 15 times, in it’s entirety.

Did we miss any stories? If so, don’t be afraid to send an email or reply in the comments!

Sportaphile is gaining tons of new visitors each month, so if you have no idea what the CFL is, CLICK HERE to get the lowdown & rules.

Football
New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss has been accused of battering a longtime friend and preventing her from seeking medical attention. Although he hasn’t been arrested yet, we DO give points for “alleged” crimes in a reduced capacity. If he is eventually charged, we will update this point total to the appropriate amount. For now we can chalk up 25 points for Randy and the football squad.

Tennessee dumbass Pacman Jones allegedly punched a divorce lawyer in the face earlier this month. Like Randy Moss, he has not been arrested and will receive a reduced allegation penalty. 25 points for dumb dumb.

Former guard for the Chicago Bears, Todd Burger, was arrested for his part in an alleged internet gambling ring. 100 points for he footballers.

University of Minnesota football player William VanDeSteeg was charged with two counts of fifth degree assault after getting into it with a couple guys in front of a liquor store. That’s 100 points.

Oklahoma starting defensive tackle DeMarcus Granger was sent home before the Fiesta Bowl in Arizona. Turns out Granger went shopping at a local mall, and decided to use his five finger discount. Yeah, that’ll look really good on your resume. /sarcasm That’s 50 points.

Jacksonville Jaguars offensive tackle Stockar McDougle is being charged with felony and misdemeanor battery charges after pushing a store owner and employee, over a billing dispute. Thats 150 points.

Minnesota Vikings safety Dwight Smith and defensive end Darrion Scott were cited in seperate incidents for misdemeanor possession of marijuana. Thats 100 points.

Finally the “you big dummy” criminal of the week goes to Pernell Thompson, a football player at Wingate University. Thompson and his wife are charged in the stabbing death of his 16 year old ex-girlfriend. Thats 100 points for his felony charge (his wife doesn’t count)

Football has accumilated 650 points since mid December.

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Basketball

Lebron James got caught going over 100 miles an hour in his white Mercedes and received a ticket, this lowly infraction nets him 20 points

Former Georgia Tech basketball player Will Bynum (who is playing in Israel) was arrested after running over a man after leaving a nightclub brawl. Thats 50 points.

Former NBA star Isaiah Rider a.k.a. “Can’t get right” was arrested for outstanding warrants in Berkeley,CA after a report of a passenger/cab driver dispute. 50 points.

New Mexico State basketball player Herb Pope was found unresponsive in a running car. He was charged with DUI, reckless endangerment, underage drinking and a traffic offense. 200 points for the B-Ball Squad.

Basketball has accumilated 420 points since mid December. (we included Glen Rice’s trapped in the closet episode.

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Baseball

Former all-star pitcher Matt Keough was thrown in the slammer for violating the terms of his probation. Turns out he was binge drinking at a hotel less than a week after he was released for a prior alcohol related violation. Maybe he needs to be in rehab, instead of jail… just a thought. 50 points.

Former MLB player Jim Leyritz faces charges of DUI manslaughter and DUI property damage. 200 points

Baseball has racked up 250 points since mid December

========================

Soccer

San Jose Shark forward Ryane Clowe was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. 100 points.

Minor hockey league player David Cornacchia was arrested after his flight touched down in Dallas. Cornacchia took a page from Jermaine Cunningham’s book and slapped a flight attendant, headbutted another passenger, and exposed himself. lol He was promptly arrested by the FBI from which he’s facing a federal charge of interfering with a flight. 100 points for davey.

==================

1. Baseball – 5,350 points (5 performance enhancers, 80 “Mitchell Report” cases, 2 arrests)
2. Football – 2,720 Points (25 arrests, 2 positive tests, 2 alleged crimes)
3. Basketball – 870 Points (10 arrests, 2 allegations, 1 lebron ticket)
4. Other Sports – 350 Points (1 steroid allegation, 1 positive test, 1 arrest)
5. Wrestling/Boxing/MMA - 200 Points (1 Positive Steroid Test, 1 arrest)
6. Hockey 200 points (2 arrests)
7. Soccer
8. Tennis
9. Auto Sports
10. Golf