If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed to receive instant updates.
After a long layoff… This Weeks Losers is back!! Mainly because this is the most efficient way of making fun of people.
1. Randy Moss’ Beard
Forget about going to court over your alleged battery of a woman. If you don’t shave that nappy ass beard I’m going to sue you myself. When your neck looks like Roy Jones’ chest… there is a problem.
2. Dana Stubblefield
The former San Francisco 49er plead guilty to lying to federal investigators today, in connection to the BALCO fiasco. I’ve always thought Stubblefield was an overrated player, who benefited from playing next to Bryant Young. This charge will gain him 100 points in the Criminal Fantasy League.
The feds really have it out for rich black people in the last 12 months, off the dome I can name a bunch who have charged with federal crimes.
- Michael Vick
- Marion Jones
- T.I.
- DJ Drama
- Barry Bonds
I’m almost positive I’m missing a few…
3. The Cincinnati Bengals
Stop pissing off your BEST PLAYER!!! It looks like Chad’s been campaigning to be traded, even though coach Marvin Lewis said it’s not happening. Chad took this photo of him holding up a Washington Redskins jersey with his name written on the back. Hmmmm. (thanks to BlackSportsOnline for the pic)
4. Hershel Walker
The former NFL running back is releasing a book this summer that reveals he suffers from multiple personality disorder…. We don’t believe you Hersh, you need more people. How is it your closest friends never knew about this or even suspected anything was wrong?
“I’m probably one of his closest friends and that’s news to me,” said Frank Ros, who was captain of Georgia’s 1980 national championship team. “I knew he was working on a book but I just thought it was about football. He does 100 things at once and always has projects going on, but that blows me away.”
Sportaphile hasn’t updated the Criminal Fantasy League standings since mid-december. As a result, tons and tons of things have piled up. At this point it would take forever to deliver my Pulitzer Prize winning commentary to accompany each story. So we’ll cover them in rapid fire succession.
Did we miss any stories? If so, don’t be afraid to send an email or reply in the comments! The full updated standings can be found at the bottom of this post.
Sportaphile is gaining tons of new visitors each month, so if you have no idea what the CFL is, CLICK HERE to get the lowdown & rules.
Football
New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss has been accused of battering a longtime friend and preventing her from seeking medical attention. Although he hasn’t been arrested yet, we DO give points for “alleged” crimes in a reduced capacity. If he is eventually charged, we will update this point total to the appropriate amount. For now we can chalk up 25 points for Randy and the football squad.
Tennessee dumbass Pacman Jones allegedly punched a divorce lawyer in the face earlier this month. Like Randy Moss, he has not been arrested and will receive a reduced allegation penalty. 25 points for dumb dumb.
Former guard for the Chicago Bears, Todd Burger, was arrested for his part in an alleged internet gambling ring. 100 points for he footballers. Read the rest of this entry »
Stank-0 asks if Pete Carroll slipped and bumped his head? Petey, you have done the NFL thing before, member? It didn’t go to well. J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS and the Patriots before they became good?
So let S.0 get this right. You want to leave this…
(Let’s keep it real you don’t have All-Americans 3 deep on the bench waitin to play because of the weather)
for this….
(In case you’ve been California Dreamin, Michael Vick was the starting QB and the only reason to watch the Falcons)
You do remember a guy named Nick Saban, dontcha? Bobby Petrino? You are a legend at SC, keep the ego in check. The NFL has a way of breakin a foot off in college coaches’ hindparts.
S.0 knows that they are offering you alot of power…
Well there are several candidates judging from the mismatched bowl games, namely USC and Georgia. A lesser case could be made for Mizzou but they got undressed by OU twice, who got decimated by WVU themselves. There are two one loss teams in Kansas and Hawaii, but Hawaii got their pineapples beaten to a pulp by UGA. So.. they are out. Kansas got past Va Tech, but again they lost to Mizzou who…..exactly. So we are left with USC and Georgia. The Bulldogs can be eliminated for failing to win the SEC. USC lost to Stanford. Confused yet?
The Stankoniforous One is all for a playoff system or a plus 1, somethin other than being subjected to an overmatched opponent in the ’ship game, or we ban the SEC from playin the Big 1o (11) for the title. Here’s an idea, let’s pretend that 2007 never happened, as far as college football is concerned, deal? It never happened.
It’s about time to recognize the Big XII’s gangsta. Year in and year out, people swing on the SEC’s jock, understandably. This year people flocked to the Pac-1o’s swag like it was givin out free chicken dinners. What happened? Oregon lost their savior to a bad knee, Cal disintergrated after gettin to the summit, USC lost to a nobody, and then the co-champion got decimated in their bowl game. Hell even the criminally insane will even lobby for the Big 10 (11) or the Big LEAST, but no one wants to give the Big XII it’s due.
This season was unusual in that two North teams were #1 in the nation this season. The only real aberration was that Nebraska has been playin like fertilizer for so long. People will tell you that the XII is only Oklahoma and Texas, but those same people will also tell you that the Big 10 (11) is a quality conference. *Wipes smirk off face* Moving right along.
The point is that the Big XII has done very well in the out of conference (OOC) games and bowl games so far. The Longhorns undressed the Sun Devils for the entire nation to see. Talk about the emperor isn’t wearin any clothes! Can an edumacated Pac-1o homer please break down how the co-champs got taken to the woodshed by the 4th best team in the XII? Let that marinate? Mizzou blew the doors off Arkansas and put McFadden on lock down like he was wearin an orange jumpsuit. The only team that has stumbled is the Red Raiders, and they still won. Next on the agenda is the Jayhawks. They face Virginia Tech. After them is Oklahoma as well.
It’s time to give props where they are due. The XII has some serious talent, no lie.
Year in and year out, people swing on the SEC’s jock, understandably. This year people flocked to the Pac-1o’s swag like it was givin out free chicken dinners. What happened? Oregon lost their savior to a bad knee, Cal disintergrated after gettin to the summit, USC lost to a nobody, and then the co-champion got decimated in their bowl game. Hell even the criminally insane will even lobby for the Big 10 (11) or the Big LEAST, but no one wants to give the Big XII it’s due.