I love how athletes come up with new innovative ways of breaking the law. Jermaine Cunningham of the Florida Gators is being charged with misdemeanor assault after he hit a restaurant worker with a sandwich and cups.

I can sympathize with him, everytime I go to Subway and say “NO MAYONNAISE” they look me dead in the eye and put it on anyways. How cool would it be to pound someone upside the head with a cold cut? Jermaine Cunningham is a hero. He actually assaulted the worker because they asked him to pay for a bag of chips, but I forgive him due to the style points of the crime.

Unfortunately this is 50 points for the football squad in the Criminal Fantasy League.

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Minnesota Vikings defensive end Ray Edwards Read the rest of this entry »

Amazingly, the athlete arrests have slowed down over the last few weeks (with the exception of Barry Bonds). Maybe the holiday season serves as a subconscious dose of ackrite. Well…except for these folks….

A waitress in Las Vegas is suing Dennis Rodman for groping and assaulting her at the Hard Rock Hotel. The one odd thing about her accusations is that the alleged ass grabbing assault took place in March 2006. Exactly how long does it take a Las Vegas waitress to get over being hit on again?

You know what I think happened? This chick got tired of none of her friends believing her story about an NBA star picking up on her and decided to do something about it. The accusations of assault do add 25 points for the basketball squad though … chump change I know, but every little bit counts.

Mary Delgado, the former Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleader was arrested for clocking her boyfriend in the mouth Wednesday. Seriously, the next time she asks him to pass the turkey he might wanna go ahead and handle that. Mary now joins an exclusive list of other man beaters like Oprah in The Color Purple. This counts as 50 points for the football squad.

Speaking of the Tampa Bay Bucs, their Read the rest of this entry »

Chris Henry was reinstated to the NFL this week after serving an eight game suspension for his various run-ins with the law.

It appears Chris couldn’t leave well enough alone, because he’s now being investigated for another incdent where he allegedly “menaced and harassed” a parking attendant.

(Newport, KY) — Police were called to the parking garage of Newport on the Levee Tuesday night, on reports of a pair of disorderly customers. Investigators say Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry and another man, Alston Desious Dyneal fought with a valet parking attendant after they tried to park their car without paying.

An argument allegedly ensued, with Henry reportedly saying “don’t you know who I am.” Levee Security was called, but the pair left. The report says both Henry and Alston were banned from the Levee and were asked to leave. No one has been arrested.

A spokesman for the Bengals says “We are aware of the reports. At this point it’s not clear that anything substansive will develop.”

I originally thought Chris was stupid for constantly having trouble with the law, but haven’t we all forgotten that elves are prone to mischief? That’s his nature!! I’ve always thought Chris looked like Link from The Legend Of Zelda, maybe they’re long lost cousins.

Three Major League Baseball players have been linked to performance enhancing drugs today in the ongoing investigation into the MLB’s seedy past. Current player Jose Guillen has been fingered for HGH use, along with former San Francisco Giants slugger Matt Williams and Ismael Valdez.

What makes this whole thing funny is Jose Guillen spoke with ESPN The Magazine about how cheaters are destroying the game of baseball earlier this year:

“That is something I never considered in my life,” Guillen is quoted as saying. “You’re ruining your whole career. You’re ruining your reputation. This really is hurting baseball right now, the image of the game.”

However, records from the Palm Beach Rejuvenation Center indicate Guillen ordered three different types of human growth hormone, two forms of testosterone and the steroids stanozolol and nandrolone during a three-year span.

People in glass houses……

This rakes in 300 points for the baseball squad (100 for each guy) in the Criminal Fantasy League

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Updated Standings

1. Football – 1570 Points (12 arrests, 1 positive test)
2. Baseball – 500 points (5 performance enhancers)
3. Other Sports – 350 Points (1 steroid allegation, 1 positive test, 1 arrest)
4. Basketball – 275 Points (4 arrests, 1 allegation)
5. Wrestling/Boxing/MMA – 200 Points (1 Positive Steroid Test, 1 arrest)
6. Golf
7. Soccer
8. Tennis
9. Auto Sports
10. NHL Hockey

1. New England Patriots Fans (again)
It’s been about a month since I last checked in on the “myricegirl”, the naked Patriots fan, boy oh boy…. I’m not even gonna say anything, just watch it. It doesn’t contain any nudity, but It’s still nsfw.

2. Andy Reid
This has been a tough week for Andy, with his sons racking up more arrests than Pacman Jones. There’s been alot of talk about a judge calling his home “a drug emporium”, which is extremely sad. Personally I don’t understand why this has gotten so much press, his children don’t have anything to do with the Philadelphia eagles, and they’re grown men. Let them handle their legal troubles on their own, I’m more concerned with Andy’s health than anything. Have you guys heard how hard he’s breathing during interviews?

3. Mike Cameron
It’s bad enough he tested positive for a banned stimulant just hours before filing for free agency, now Mike Cameron has admitted to playing drunk in the past. Idiot.

Interestingly, another Padre, center fielder Mike Cameron, had a more intimate experience with game-day tipsiness:

“Sh-t, I’ve played drunk.”

When?

“New York City.”

What were the circumstances?

“I went four for four with two jacks and eight ribbies. I’m not saying that’s the only day I played drunk, but that was the best one.”

4. Football Players
Whether it’s college or professional, football players are constantly in Read the rest of this entry »