But on the flip side, you can’t have a hero unless there’s a great villain nearby.

When Tom Brady blew out his knee in the opening game of the season, it left a void deep in my soul. Here we are approaching week 3 and I find myself unsatisfied… I simply don’t have anyone I strongly dislike enough to root against. I need to pray for the demise of a good team and their leader to save my NFL season.

By process of elimination…. Aaron Rodgers will step into Tom Brady’s shoes as my most hated athlete of 2008. Unlike Tom, Aaron hasn’t done anything to me or my favorite teams…. but the fact that he’s doing so well coupled with the sour taste of how the Packers front office handled the Favre situation makes him a prime candidate.

Right about now.. you’d be hard pressed to find anti-Aaron Rodgers folks on the internet, he’s doing so damned well that his haters are silent. But not I…..It’s never any fun to root against a team that already sucks, and I needed to choose someone successful.

Here’s to praying for Aaron’s demise in 2008.

Salute!

No this is not another “karma caught up with the Pats” post.  The Pats are done quite simply because the Giants provided a Technicolor, hi def blueprint on how to beat the Patriots.  Stank-0 is certain every team will dissect Super Bowl XLII more than the Zapruder film. 

Exhibit A, the St. Louis Rams.  After they lost in the Super Bowl, it’s been a tailspin.  It’s like they discovered coke, hookers, and purp at the same time. 

In any case, if you weren’t watching the action away from the ball, Stank-0 was and this is what he saw. 

 The GMen did the following:

• Put their best cover corner, Sam Madison, on Randy Moss.  Sounds like what everyone does, right?  WRONG!  Madison followed Moss everywhere he went on the field.  He was on him like a wage garnishment on a dead beat dad. 
• Madison got physical with Moss, that doesn’t happen often with Moss.  Madison played bump-and-run with Moss all night long.  Notice that we didn’t hear Moss’ name much during the Super Bowl.  There’s a reason, his name is Sam Madison. 
• Hit Brady, alot.  Whether they sacked him or not, someone hit him or pushed him, or hurried him.
• Borrowed from the Iggles (Eagles) and blitzed heavily.  Kawika Mitchell was in the backfield so much he needed to switch jerseys.   
• Attacked the aging linebacker corp, borrowing from the Ravens’ game.  They have HOFers at linebacker, aging HOFers at linebacker, and it showed. 

To quote Star Wars, balance has been restored to the universe.  Ain’t life grand…unless you live in Boston, HAHAHAHAHA!

 PS the above photo is real, it is not photoshopped. 

If you have a photo or video that I haven’t included, feel free to drop it in the comments section please.

more photos below..

A few words from Mercury Morris of the perfect ’72 Dolphins

Remember Jerry that records are meant to be broken. Take a page from Hank Aaron’s response to Barry Bonds breaking his record. Be gracious and move on. Moss didn’t get drafted onto a team with ships (championships) and rangs (championship rings) and a starting HOF QB and a sitting HOF QB. Moss has been carrying QBs his entire career. He is simply the most athletic WR to ever lace them up, and he was teamed with a HOF QB for the first time. Did you really think Moss wouldn’t come for a some of your records?! Then MAN UP!

This is your first outburst, but don’t let this happen again.

The Stankoniforous One.

The media hysteria with New England is getting unbearable, last week the topic was Brett Favre’s divinity, now they’ve moved on to the immortal Patriots. How has everyone forgotten this very same team was caught cheating four weeks ago? I know it’s a good team, I know it’s a great team, I know they’re playing amazing football, but to crown them as undefeated after five games is a little much.

“This is the best offense I’ve ever seen.” – Keyshawn Johnson

During last nights broadcast of Football In America, Chris Collinsworth said this was “maybe the best team I’ve ever seen“. Really, Chris? After five games? What is it about broadcast journalism that makes everyone want to overreact and draw wild comparisons to get their point across? Do we all fully comprehend how tough it is to go undefeated in an NFL season? Do we all recognize that it’s only happened once in the history of the league?

Every year, around week 8 or so theres an undefeated team and everyone starts yapping about breaking the 1972 Dolphins record. Like clockwork that undefeated team always succumbs to the pressures and loses. The law of averages and history is on my side here, the Patriots will not win out.

The further illustrate my devotion to anti-Patriotism, I will be rooting for Indianapolis to defeat Brady & Co on November 4th. Some of my visitors may remember my declaration of contempt for all things Peyton Manning last month. But I will make an exception in this case.

But could we please give it a break??

Am I the only one noticing how everyone in the media is falling all over themselves to kiss the ground Brett walks on? The very same media who widely called for his retirement in September of last year? At the start of last season, you could barely watch TV without hearing some random schmuck saying Favre was over the hill and selfishly hanging on. Now that the Packers are on top of the world, we get to see those very same schmucks put Brett in their “Top 5 Quarterbacks Of All Time” list.

The compliment of choice this month is Brett Favre’s “boyish enthusiasm” while playing the game. Seriously, this is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever heard. Brett is like ninety three years old, with a head full of gray hair, and all I ever hear is “he’s like a little kid, look at him!”. Joe Sports Fan captured some of the ridiculousness thats spewed in relation to Favre. Check these gems out:

“I think with Brett Favre, the smile that he still has, it must have been the same kid running around in Kiln, Mississippi, it’s still the same kid, except he’s running around often in the cold and the snow in Green Bay thrilling everybody. Congratulations Brett!”

“And you know what? I don’t care whether people are Packers fans or whatever, I’ll reiterate what we said, rooting for Favre is like rooting for America.” – Chris Berman

It’s impossible for me to type a ‘LOL’ big enough to capture the hilarity in this whirlwind of asskissing. I wonder who would win if Chris Berman and John Madden were pit against each other in a death match, with the winner getting to have Brett as their very own.

While watching ESPN earlier, Sal Paolantonio had his very own segment plugging a new book of overrated players. Shockingly, Brett Favre was placed high on his list of most overrated players in the league today. He provided some facts that even surprised me.

In the last five years, Michael Vick has thrown for more touchdowns, won more regular season games, more postseason games, and thrown for less interceptions than Brett Favre.

Is it Un-American to point out that the dog murderer has done better than Mr. U.S.A?

Presenting the GilIIZero’s (Pronounced Gil 20s) by Adidas.

Just look at them, I want you to let the ugly of these shoes marinate in your retinas for a moment. Let the visual stank simmer and soak into your corneas. I’ve heard that Gilbert Arenas ran a blog, but I never took the time to visit until today. After seeing these shoes I just HAD to go read what was going through his mind when he decided to put his name on these things.

In true Gilbert Arenas fashion, this guy is delusional about the situation. He even says the prototypes the designers created originally were uglier than these. Check it out:

And I’m sitting there looking at the shoe like, “I hope you guys aren’t serious. Because I’m not going to wear this shoe.” If you can picture this shoe, it looked like a newer shell toe mixed in with a little basketball and a little bit of ballerina in the front. So I looked at the shoe and I straight killed it. I killed it so much I think I made everybody uncomfortable. How do I go from the Gil Zero to this? That was my whole argument. Nobody is going to wear this shoe.

So through all that process of tearing down and getting rid of and complaining and complaining, this is what we have. Now we have the Lamborghini of shoes. Not to say Hondas are bad, but we have the Lamborghini of shoes now. I think everybody is going to dig this shoe.

I’m a trend setter, people. I don’t want other shoe companies to try to jack my style now. My swag is too phenomenal. If any other basketball player out there wants to compete with my shoes, go ahead, we can have a 50 and Kanye right here. We can start it up, baby. I’ll be the bad guy. We can have a sneaker war.

… If only he put this much energy into not choking in the 4th quarter of important playoff games. tsk tsk

Skip to 1:22 into the video, and see for yourself.

Also, you’re welcome for the free promotion Gilbert.

I know you’re expecting to see Shaquille O’neal on this list, but you won’t. Shaq had a few slappers in his heydey, and a platinum plaque too, so SOMEBODY was listening. They just don’t want to admit it.

Tony Parker
If theres anything that’s NOT hip hop… It’s France. I wish I could have sent a bunch of Germans to this video shoot to see if Tony would run. Plus, I have to take a shot at Eva… it’s the hater in me.. sorry.

The 1984-5 49ers – “We’re the 49ers”
After steamrolling the dolphins in the 1984-85 Super Bowl, someone thought it was a good idea to go make a song. Even though this came out first, the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle became more popular, probably because it was a better song. Nobody beats San Francisco men in a sucking contest. (pause..)

Carl Lewis
In possibly the worst live performance in the history of music… Carl mangled the national anthem. We were just going to include that video alone, but you’d be surprised just how hard it is to find the full version of Carl singing the national anthem is. It’s almost like he’s on a personal mission to rid it from the world. But this one is ALMOST as bad.

Deion Sanders
This entry is almost obligatory. You simply cannot mention bad athlete music without Mr. Sanders. I never get sick of this, I love how if you close your eyes without looking at him, it sounds like he’s on his deathbed with food stuck in his throat. Try it.. it works.

Roy Jones Jr.
Roy is quite possibly one of the most inarticulate people who have ever graced the earth. If Helen Keller and James Brown ever had a kid, it would have been Roy Jones. Any song that includes the line “.. a sucka move I stole from a game cock!” is golden.

Kobe Bryant
If you grew up with a rich father in Italy, the whole “I got street cred” argument goes straight out the window. Despite that tidbit of info, he’s still not as bad as Tony Parker. We at Sportaphile have no problem admitting bias against the French.

I can’t stand Peyton Manning. Even before he won the superbowl I couldn’t stand him. It seems like in every other commercial I see, this long headed goof pops up on the screen with his incredibly bad acting. Then when the commercials go off and the game comes back on, the commentators completely ignore the game and start creaming their pants at Peyton’s every action. He hasn’t missed a game in an eternity, if ever, so nothing would warm my heart more than to see him take one of those Joe Theisman type hits. Watching the colts dismantle the Saints last night made me sick. Here are four reasons why he makes me sick.

1. His obese forehead. Manning’s forehead is like someone having a booger on their face, you don’t want to mention it but you just CAN’T stop staring at it. Remember that mole scene in Austin Powers? He must have the same ancestors as Helen Hunt.

2. He’s gonna break Dan Marino’s passing records. Dan Marino is a football god, he had the unfortunate circumstances of playing in the same era as the 49er and Cowboy dynasties. Now this nancy boy and his frisbee football team are on pace to break his records, which brings me to…

3. The Colts play sissy football. Football is supposed to be a mans game, it prides itself on being tough and mildly dangerous. That element is gone when you’re playing on carpet away from the elements. What happened to slugging it out in the rain, when its 20 degrees outside? Remember how awesome that snow job game was between the Patriots and Raiders during the playoffs? You can’t pull that shit in a heated dome with Manning and his soft receivers running around. I call it frisbee ball.

4. Indianapolis Sucks. How can a city that big be so ass backwards and boring? Indianapolis is what happens when you take a bunch of people who used to live on farms and put them all in the same place. Seriously though, they’re damned near in Canada and still talk with country accents.