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Happy Birthday Chuck!

May 12th, 2009 . by Supreme Nerdmistress

Happy Birthday!

The time has come for my annual post wishing Chuck a Happy Birthday. He doesn’t like when I do this but damnit, somebody should be embarrasing him on his birthday, it might as well be me.

Please join me in my epic embarrassment of Chuck by sending a happy birthday tweet using this link:

If anybody can get Serena to send him booty pictures, that will be an acceptable alternative to the birthday tweet. :)

Missing the mark, vol. I

March 19th, 2008 . by Stankoniforous One

emo Stank-0 says too much alot eventually Stank-0 must own up when he is wrong. Here we go.

Mike Bibby becoming a Hawk? Not a good move. Here’s what Stank-0 reasoned.

Stank-0 will go on a limb and say this move squarely puts the Hawks into the playoffs no less than a #6.

Ouch! Stank-0 swings big and he misses big. The Atlanta Hawks are a (fill in the blank) A. head case, B. minor league team frontin as a NBA franchise, C. ready to be dissolved.

Regarding JKidd, Stank-0 got it right.

This move also doesn’t fix Dirk’s heart or lack thereof. Kidd is the basketball version of a straight man, he needs someone to feed off of, ie Mashburn, Jackson, McDyess, Kittles, Marion, Carter. This feels like they did this because other teams are making moves, however, it was basically the same team that lost to the Warriors in the first round so…..something had to give.

At present the Dallas Mavericks are the 7 seed in the Western Conference.

Stank-0 already repented on his sin of stating the Rockets would drop from playoff contention. At present the Houston Rockets are the 1 seed in the Western Conference.

The last thing Stank-0 was right about was the Falcons.

You do remember a guy named Nick Saban, dontcha? Bobby Petrino? You are a legend at SC, keep the ego in check. The NFL has a way of breakin a foot off in college coaches’ hindparts.

From time to time, the Stankoniforous One needs to review his work to keep things in perspective. Stank-0 is willing to own up to his mistakes. 1..

MJ’s Jump-off drama

February 3rd, 2008 . by Stankoniforous One

Stank-0 sees that everyone gets a jump-off every now and then, even MJ.

MJMJ’s baby mama?

Even #23 can’t get past a crazed woman stalker. Stank-0 can see why Juanita got away with all that cake. The ladies couldn’t leave MJ alone and evidently MJ can’t leave the women alone either. Her pic, if that’s her, looks good, but a pic cannot determine whether someone will be a stalker or not.  The jump-off in question, woman is Lisa A Miceli. 

MJ, you slippin, bruh. You can meet women anywhere, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have some standards. You’re MJ, for goodness sake!

Rule #1: Superstars can be extremely selective in their jump offs. Never forget that. There is no need for a Rule #2.

Stankoniforous One

Things are bad when a WR needs a restraining order

January 24th, 2008 . by Stankoniforous One

crazy womanThings are way past crazy when even a football player can’t live under the same roof with his woman. His woman discharged a firearm in his crib! Aw hell naw!

Stank-0 applauds the man for not doing anything stupid or ig’nant towards the mother of his child. There’s also the chick who tried to one up Lorena Bobbit.

Then there’s the Christmas day “massacre.”

That’s all Stank-0 could think of off the top. Women are losing it in the new millennium. For some reason this type of thing doesn’t happen to Warren Sapp, Joey Porter, Tank Williams, or Pacman Jones. Women may be crazy but they ain’t stupid.

Stankoniforous One

Criminal Fantasy League – January Update

January 16th, 2008 . by Supreme Nerdmistress

Sportaphile hasn’t updated the Criminal Fantasy League standings since mid-december. As a result, tons and tons of things have piled up. At this point it would take forever to deliver my Pulitzer Prize winning commentary to accompany each story. So we’ll cover them in rapid fire succession.

Did we miss any stories? If so, don’t be afraid to send an email or reply in the comments!
The full updated standings can be found at the bottom of this post.

Sportaphile is gaining tons of new visitors each month, so if you have no idea what the CFL is, CLICK HERE to get the lowdown & rules.

New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss has been accused of battering a longtime friend and preventing her from seeking medical attention. Although he hasn’t been arrested yet, we DO give points for “alleged” crimes in a reduced capacity. If he is eventually charged, we will update this point total to the appropriate amount. For now we can chalk up 25 points for Randy and the football squad.

Tennessee dumbass Pacman Jones allegedly punched a divorce lawyer in the face earlier this month. Like Randy Moss, he has not been arrested and will receive a reduced allegation penalty. 25 points for dumb dumb.

Former guard for the Chicago Bears, Todd Burger, was arrested for his part in an alleged internet gambling ring. 100 points for he footballers.
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