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Rapper Lil Wayne is currently shooting “The Patriots” alongside Oscar winning actor Forrest Whitaker. The Patriots centers around a basketball team comprised of students who previously went to five different high schools before Hurricane Katrina. “Lil Wayne has been tapped to play a character named “Lamont,” a student of Al Collins High School who is skeptical of the newly formed team.”

I’m guessing there will be conflict between the students because they don’t like each other, possibly have affiliations with rival gangs, and lack basic team work skills to win games. I will also assume Forrest Whitaker will play the coach who brings these kids through adversity and helps them realize that all they have is each other. At the very last possible minute the team will gel and go on an impressive winning streak and make it to the state championships, only to lose the big game by 1 point. That’s okay though, at least they still have each other!

Yeah… these basketball movies are fairly predictable.

I’d much rather Lil Wayne spend his time on more important things….. like finally putting out The Carter III. Judging by how many times it’s been delayed, America will pull out of Iraq before this album finally hits the shelves.

Okay, Sportaphile is late on this…. but it’s too good not to post.

This mash-up of Barack Obama’s presidential campaign and Sylvester Stallone’s boxing masterpiece is fantastic.

Has anyone noticed that I’ve dedicated several posts to David Beckham on this site, and not one of them had anything to do with soccer? That’s because it’s boring and nobody watches it.

But the other reason I’m posting this is because Rambo was the single greatest movie I’ve seen this year. You simply haven’t seen a good movie until you’ve seen someone get a 3 foot section of their body torn off with the .50 cal.

Anyways, on to the story.

Sylvester Stallone recently told reporters that he strongly considered casting David Beckham as the new Rambo.

“”I knew that David Beckham would be received as a superstar when he came to America. Actually, I thought that maybe I should put him in the new Rambo film and chase him around the jungle for a couple of months.”"

Stallone went on to say that Rambo was the most physically exhausting thing he’s ever done, and that it made shooting the Rocky movies look like ballet. David shouldn’t have had any problem acting in the jungle, he runs around on a soccer field for 3 hours pretending to care every week. Stallone must have gotten the memo that although Beckham is interested in movies, he prefers the ones with nekkid beezies.

2009 will be the 30th anniversary of ESPN on the air, and to celebrate their success they’ve hired 30 different filmmakers to make documentaries to talk about how great they are. One of those filmmakers just so happens to be Spike Lee.

Lee and 29 other A-list directors, including Richard Linklater and Davis Guggenheim, have each been recruited by the network to make an hour-long documentary about a sports topic close to his or her heart. Lee, a die-hard New York Knicks fan, has yet to announce the nature of his project.

The documentaries under the newly-launched ESPN Films will begin airing Tuesday nights on ESPN in Sept. 2009 and be televised through 2010.

Spike may be tight lipped about the nature of his project, but I know EXACTLY how it’s going to play out. Spike Lee films all contain specific elements and trademarks unique to him. Here’s what we can expect in his work for ESPN.

1. A Steamy Sex Scene Between Dana Jacobson and Chris Berman - All Spike Lee movies have graphic animalistic sex somewhere within the film. A drunk Dana Jacobson stumbles into the office late night, looking for extra bottles of Grey Goose. She’s unable to find one, but she does find Chris Berman, and a couple of Deux Deux’s, straight from Canada baby.

2. RACISM! Stuart Scott Is Harassed In The Workplace - It’s just not a Spike Lee movie unless whitey is hating on somebody.. so unfair. Little Stuart Scott is preparing his notes before a SportsCenter broadcast when he’s approached by a producer and asked to “blacken it up” a little.

What? You thought he says “BOO-YOW!!!” every five seconds because he wants to. No sir. They force ya boy to get his Bojangles on.

3. Heavy Drug Use and A Violent Death - Ahh the grand finale, the movie would just be boring if someone didn’t get loaded and killed. You thought Michael Irvin simply left the network didn’t you? Ahahaha silly rabbit. MICHAEL IRVIN IS DEAD. His crack cocaine habit got out of hand, and one day Stephen A. Smith caught him stealing quarters out of his car’s ash tray.

“You are absolutely pathetic Michael!”, a visibly angry Stephen A. Smith said. “Quite frankly, as a black man I’m shocked and appalled at your terrible behavior. It’s time to die. You’re ruining the negro gene pool”

Stephen A. then pulls out a pistol and kills Irvin in the parking lot.

To be honest, I’ve never been a huge fan of Will Ferrell movies. Talladega Nights? Blades Of Glory? Elf? Bewitched? Anchorman?… all wack movies. Then we have to take the fact that Will plays basically the same character in every film, which means all signs point to yet another flick that I shouldn’t bother watching. However, the trailer for Semi-Pro still looked pretty good despite my reservations about Ferrell’s work.

Besides, after that horrible piece of crap movie Never Back Down, this couldn’t be that bad right? Right.

My prayers were answered, and overall Semi-Pro was actually very entertaining. There were more laugh out loud moments than I anticipated which was a pleasant surprise. I believe this film “worked” because it was rated R instead of PG-13. When you have a really silly movie like this, some of the jokes simply would NOT have worked if the film was edited to be “family friendly”. Ultimately, that R rating may have been a bad idea because Semi-Pro sorta flopped at the box office, but whatever, thats none of my concern.

DeRay Davis and Andre 3000 didn’t add much to the movie as far as comic relief, which was a letdown. Woody Harrelson probably gave the best performance of the film, playing the washed up has-been elder player. I cautiously recommend this film, meaning you should see it, but don’t go out of your way. You should catch it if someone else is paying, or if it’s coming on HBO one night and you have nothing better to do.

The Important Stuff:

How good on a scale of 1-10? - 7
Are the best parts of the movie in the commercial? - Kinda sorta, yes.
Any female nudity? - Sadly, no
Any killing/gruesome murders? nope