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This Weeks Losers (Jan 26th)

January 26th, 2008 . by admin

So lets see, who made an ass of themself in the last week or so….

1. Dana Jacobson
If you aren’t familiar with Dana Jacobson, she’s the host of an ESPN program called “1st take” or “1st and 10″ or something like that, I watch it just about everyday and still don’t remember the real name. Anywho, she embarrassed herself and the network by getting pissy drunk last weekend at a celebrity roast. She uttered the words “F-ck Jesus” at some point during her time on the mic, which earned her a suspension (and possible termination) from the network.

2. Sissy Boy (Roger Federer)
I am the #1 Roger Federer hater on the planet. I don’t watch Men’s tennis whatsoever, except when Roger is playing so I can root against him. I begged and pleaded for a certain someone to remind me when Roger’s matchup was a few days ago. They never did, so in turn I missed out on this huge upset. Anytime Federer loses is a reason for celebration.

3. Tiger Woods
Ugh, I almost want to give Tiger Woods his “black people membership” card back, for the sole purpose of revoking it a second time. I already delivered a pretty good rant on Tiger a few days ago, but he still had to be included on this list.

4. LaDainian Tomlinson
The first time I laid eyes upon LaDainian’s (in)Action Figure, I burst out laughing. Remember he spent the biggest game of his career sulking on the bench? Well now we can remember that moment forever. Yes, this is a real toy, buy it here.

This Weeks Losers (Jan 18th)

January 18th, 2008 . by admin

After a long layoff… This Weeks Losers is back!! Mainly because this is the most efficient way of making fun of people.

1. Randy Moss’ Beard
Forget about going to court over your alleged battery of a woman. If you don’t shave that nappy ass beard I’m going to sue you myself. When your neck looks like Roy Jones’ chest… there is a problem.

2. Dana Stubblefield
The former San Francisco 49er plead guilty to lying to federal investigators today, in connection to the BALCO fiasco. I’ve always thought Stubblefield was an overrated player, who benefited from playing next to Bryant Young. This charge will gain him 100 points in the Criminal Fantasy League.

The feds really have it out for rich black people in the last 12 months, off the dome I can name a bunch who have charged with federal crimes.

- Michael Vick
- Marion Jones
- T.I.
- DJ Drama
- Barry Bonds

I’m almost positive I’m missing a few…

3. The Cincinnati Bengals
Stop pissing off your BEST PLAYER!!! It looks like Chad’s been campaigning to be traded, even though coach Marvin Lewis said it’s not happening. Chad took this photo of him holding up a Washington Redskins jersey with his name written on the back. Hmmmm. (thanks to BlackSportsOnline for the pic)

4. Hershel Walker
The former NFL running back is releasing a book this summer that reveals he suffers from multiple personality disorder…. We don’t believe you Hersh, you need more people. How is it your closest friends never knew about this or even suspected anything was wrong?

“I’m probably one of his closest friends and that’s news to me,” said Frank Ros, who was captain of Georgia’s 1980 national championship team. “I knew he was working on a book but I just thought it was about football. He does 100 things at once and always has projects going on, but that blows me away.”

Read the rest of this entry »

This Weeks Losers (Oct 28th – Nov 3rd)

November 4th, 2007 . by admin

1. New England Patriots Fans (again)
It’s been about a month since I last checked in on the “myricegirl”, the naked Patriots fan, boy oh boy…. I’m not even gonna say anything, just watch it. It doesn’t contain any nudity, but It’s still nsfw.

2. Andy Reid
This has been a tough week for Andy, with his sons racking up more arrests than Pacman Jones. There’s been alot of talk about a judge calling his home “a drug emporium”, which is extremely sad. Personally I don’t understand why this has gotten so much press, his children don’t have anything to do with the Philadelphia eagles, and they’re grown men. Let them handle their legal troubles on their own, I’m more concerned with Andy’s health than anything. Have you guys heard how hard he’s breathing during interviews?

3. Mike Cameron
It’s bad enough he tested positive for a banned stimulant just hours before filing for free agency, now Mike Cameron has admitted to playing drunk in the past. Idiot.

Interestingly, another Padre, center fielder Mike Cameron, had a more intimate experience with game-day tipsiness:

“Sh-t, I’ve played drunk.”

When?

“New York City.”

What were the circumstances?

“I went four for four with two jacks and eight ribbies. I’m not saying that’s the only day I played drunk, but that was the best one.”

4. Football Players
Whether it’s college or professional, football players are constantly in Read the rest of this entry »

This Weeks Losers (Oct 21st – Oct 27th)

October 27th, 2007 . by admin

1. Jake Plummer
Jake Plummer HandballWhen Jake Plummer retired from the NFL before this season, I assumed he was only suffering from a bruised ego and would return midseason. Boy was I wrong. The former NFL quarterback now has budding career in handball. That’s right… handball.. the least manliest sport on earth. What’s next?? If I hear about Dennis Rodman in a badminton league I’m gonna hang myself.

“I’m not going to retire and sit in a broadcast booth, because you spend more time around football than when you played,” Plummer said. “I could go tomorrow to any of the channels, probably any of them that I wanted to. I just don’t want to, though. That’s why I retired, to get away from football and do something different.”

Shut up, you sissy.

“Jake must be a pretty good handball player,” Broncos coach Mike Shanahan said. “He’s a great athlete. He uses his left hand almost as well as his right hand, which probably helps him in handball.”

Translation: “LOL I can’t believe this guy, I wonder if he’ll iron my drawz”

2. David Carr
With starting quarterback Jake Delhomme done for the year, Carr had his chance to lead the Carolina Panthers to glory this season. Instead he lost his job to Vinny Testaverde, who happens to be ninety seven years old. Vinny was wearing beige shoes with velcro straps at a bingo tournament on Tuesday, five days later he was leading the Panthers to victory.

Hey David…. I hear Jake Plummer has an opening spot on his handball team…. take a flyer homie.

3. The Miami Dolphins
First, they get completely embarrassed by Tom Brady and Randy Moss on Sunday in a blowout defeat. It looked like the Patriots were filming a commercial for Madden 2009. Immediately following the massacre, linebacker Zach Thomas was involved in a car accident with four Patriots fans and suffered whiplash. Thomas will miss today’s game in London, England as a result.

And finally, Channing Crowder…..yes.. Channing Crowder.

“I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries,” Crowder said. “I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.

“I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

Channing has successfully put together the dumbest quote since Miss South Carolina raised awareness on America’s map shortage.

This Weeks Losers (Oct 13th – Oct 20th)

October 20th, 2007 . by admin

1, The California Golden Bears
The Bears were 40 seconds from becoming the #1 ranked football team in the nation, now one week later they’ve lost to 2 unranked teams in a row. Goodbye national championship, see ya later Rose Bowl, hello mediocrity.

2. George Mitchell
We’ve been hearing about how “big name players” would get exposed in this steroid report for many months now, now he’s saying “no decision has been made on whether players will be identified in his investigative report”. What is there to think about? Is anyone involved with baseball concerned with repairing their goodwill with the fans? It does a disservice to people like Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds who have never tested positive for performance enhancing drugs if you decide not to reveal the names in this report. Besides, people love the sight of blood.

3. Walter Bryant
The TCU wide receiver was suspended indefinitely after being arrested for assaulting his wife. Bryant isn’t on this list for being suspended, he’s on it because he got married in college, you big dummy. While NBA players like Justin Williams are having threesomes with their girlfriends and anonymous bar chicks, you’re in jail for pimp slapping your nagging wife…. Oh yeah, thats 50 points in the Criminal Fantasy League also.

4. The New England Patriots
The Patriots sued StubHub, an online ticket reseller, to obtain the names, addresses, and phone numbers of fans who sold their Patriots tickets online. Technically, it’s against state law and team rules for fans to sell their tickets for more than face value, and the Patriots could seek to revoke season tickets of fans caught doing this. If anyone knows how important it is not to break the rules once in a while… it’s the Patriots. Just another reason why so many people hate this franchise.

5. Monday Night Football
In case you haven’t heard, they banned Jimmy Kimmel from appearing on the broadcast again after he told a few jokes the higher ups didn’t like.

What Kimmel did during his appearance this week on ESPN’s Monday Night Football, according to the show’s producer Jay Rothman, was “classless” and “disappointing.” Appearing in the third quarter of a moribund game between the Falcons and Giants, Kimmel took multiple swipes at the not-so-smooth departure of Theismann from the broadcast (“I’d also like to welcome Joe Theismann, watching from his living room with steam coming from his ears”) and zinged sacred cows Tom Brady (“What impressed me most is that he could impregnate two models”), Kelly Ripa (“Listen if we can have a Mormon President, I can marry Kelly”) and sports betting (“Are you allowed to bet legally on this game?”). “It was cheap,” Rothman told Richard Sandomir of The New York Times. “The more he went on, the worse he got.”

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