During an interview with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and Deion Sanders a few weeks back, Deion mentioned that Snoop Dogg said hip hop needs an authority figure like Mr. Goodell to oversee things.

While I typically disagree with Roger, I do respect his ability to frighten young black men more than anyone on earth not wearing a badge. So I present to you, a list of things that would happen under Roger’s reign in rap music.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

DMX would be banned – So lets get this straight….. he hasn’t released a good album OR a good movie since Aaliyah passed away, he doesn’t know who Barack Obama is, and he’s been arrested five times this year alone??? Roger wouldn’t stand for such foolishness.. BANNED.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

You wouldn’t be allowed to diss legends unless you have more than 2 hit albums – Am I the only hip hop fan who gets sick of headlines like “Jim Jones disses Jay-Z”, or “Yung Berg hates 2pac” or something else equally foolish? Who decided it was okay to give these clowns attention? Hip hop culture doesn’t respect it’s elders and Roger simply wouldn’t go for it.

If Roger Goodell were the commissioner of hip hop….

“Video Vixens” can’t release any more tell-all books – It was okay at first, but how many more books are we going to have to endure in this genre? Okay, you gave Lil Wayne head at Summer Jam, now do you have anything else noteworthy to say?… I didn’t think so. Uncle Roger don’t love dem hoez.
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There are plenty of things surrounding the game of football that annoy the common fans like you and I. We dream about the things we’d do differently if we were in a position of power, and I’ve written a list of things I’d work on fixing. I realize not everything contained below is under the direct influence of the NFL commish, but a man can dream can’t he?

1. Stadiums wouldn’t be allowed to sell off their naming rights
Football is supposed to be tough, so why are we playing games on “Lincoln Financial Field” or “Lucas Oil Field” or everyones favorite… “University of Phoenix Stadium” in Arizona. Not only do these sound lame, I bet all the corporate stiffs at these companies get great tickets that could be going to real fans.

Would this result in a loss of revenue? Absolutely, but if you truly want to be a fan friendly operation, everything can’t be about the money. Google loses over $100 million dollars a year from their “I’m Feeling Lucky” button, but they haven’t removed it. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet for your customers.

2. Excessive touchdown celebrations would be legal
And when I say “excessive”, I mean referees wouldn’t throw a flag for anything other than spiking the ball like they do now. I don’t believe there should be an “anything goes” atmosphere, because some celebrations are over the line (like Terrell Owens’ infamous Dallas Star run), but in general players aren’t given very much freedom.

Go ahead and let the guys have some fun.

3. John Mellencamp’s “This Is Our Country” Chevrolet commercial NEVER airs during football again
“From the east coast, to the west coast, down the dixie highway…..”

If you’re watching football on Sunday, you’ll see this commercial no fewer than 15 times, it gets annoying….and I haven’t had an urge to buy a Chevy yet.
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The NY Giants & NY Jets will be moving into a fancy new stadium for the 2011 season and are currently in the process of selling naming rights to the venue. The Jewish community are in an uproar because a company called Allianz that contributed funds to the holocaust will possibly secure the bid.

“The company insured the Auschwitz death camp and had a chief executive serving in Hitler’s cabinet. The company is on the short list of those vying to slap their name on the Meadowlands stadium in New Jersey via a lucrative sponsorship deal.”

Now… the NFL is an outrageously image conscious organization these days. They don’t allow their players to endorse alcoholic products. They don’t allow their players to celebrate in the endzone. They have a strict personal conduct policy for employees. They have a strict dress code (players can be fined 10,000 for wearing the wrong color shoes).

It’s a crime for Terrell Owens to dance after scoring a touchdown, but the NY Giants are allowed to take money from a jew hating collective? What part of the game is that?

Where are your priorities Roger Goodell?

Update: The Giants have ended talks with Allianz.

“Ralph Vacchiano of the New York Daily News reports that talks regarding the possible sale of the naming rights for the new Giants Stadium to Allianz have ended.

“The New Meadowlands Stadium, LLC is no longer in discussions with Allianz for a naming rights partnership,” said the president of New Meadowlands Stadium, LCC, in a statement. “We are continuing discussions with other potential partners for the new stadium and look forward to the summer 2010 opening of this new icon for our region.”

NFL Cornerback Charles Woodson started up his own wine company recently, and scheduled a launch party in Ann Arbor, Michigan this weekend.

All is well right?…. Not Quite.

The NFL caught wind of this party and kindly notified Charles Woodson that Roger Goodell implemented a rule disallowing all players from promoting alcoholic beverages. The rule was put into place because if a superstar athlete is peddling alcohol it might influence minors to run out and buy a 40oz to be just like Reggie Bush or something.

However, those same teens WON’T be persuaded to buy alcohol from the four billion Budweiser, Miller, and Coors commercials that air during NFL games. What about a teenager going to an actual NFL game, I guess they must ignore all the beer being sold there.

This rule is almost as bad as the time Roger Goodell pick and choosed who he wanted to suspend for violating the very same rule.

[Deadspin]

cross posted here

The Rocket, Roger Clemens, will appear before Congress on Wednesday. 

Some of our distinguished representatives were wondering what fueled the Rocket.  While MLB plays out its steriod-fueled karma, football is getting some Capitol Hill face time.  Roger Goodell (Rog for short), you know that lil letter you wrote to Sen. Specter wasn’t gonna fly, didn’t ya?  Stank-0 knows there are those that wonder why Arlen Spector is on this witch hunt, but MLB is Exhibit A of letting things slide, nah mean? 

One of the most celebrated and decorated pitchers of his era is having to answer questions about his performance.  The questions alone cast quite a shadow on Clemen’s achievements, ie 7 Cy Youngs and a first ballot lock for the Hall.  The Rocket has to know, pompous lawyer notwithstanding, that Andy Pettitte’s testimony did not help his case in the least.

Stank-0 is tempted to feel sorry for the Rocket, until he remembers the 25/7 media circus coverage that clung to Barry Bonds.  If you crucify one, then the rest need crosses too.